Insecurities

Nothing's ever perfect
It'll never be what I need
Everything's too screwed with me
Nothing's right at all
I'll never nd that happiness
That everyone brags of
Never will I smile too big
Or frown so small inside
It'll all stay fake til the end
Nothing can plea bargain it at all
Everyone will always be against me
I'll always be scared of yelling
There's always going to be that bottle or can,
That brings back those
ashbacks and memories at hand
There'll never be a day, I deny the truth inside
I'll never expect anyone to understand
The trouble that builds up inside
Gashes rarely appear anymore
Because they're sliced upon internally
Where not a soul could question what is bare
There'll never be a man I can look at,
And not see the possibility of becoming you
There'll never a scream aloud,
That'll never make cringe inside
There's never going to be a tear
That's not originally caused by you
Every moment I take a breathe,
It'll be a breathe I regretted to take
Every day of my life, I'll shake back and forth
From all these fucking issues you put inside me
Day after day I will be angry as hell
Only leading to the climaxing boom from it all
I won't feel sorry for you,
The day it all blows up in flames
The moment I lose it all
And let every pain inside burn it's way out
I know I'm going down with it
But I will never ask you to understand
Because every day I will smile and say I'm ne
Knowing that inside I am tearing to pieces
Every person who says they cares,
I will ultimately think they're lying out there
No one will ever be able to see
The god damn damage you've done to me
And every time someone smiles because of me,
I'll feel that much more of a liar and a fraud
Because in all reality, there's no way they can care
Never will I ever be able to believe anything that's said to me
Because of everything you've said to me
These fake smiles say nothing at all
Yet you think they describe me and this happiness you see
But somehow you always found my insecurities when it occurred
I'd go from bitch to fat to nonexistent
Will you ever notice what you've done to me at all
I've gone from suicidal, to bulimic to anti-social
To a fucking liar who lies about the happiness,
That she knows she will never feel..