Saturday, May 30, 2015

What Do You Do?

What do you do
When what you are
Is never enough?

What do you do
When everything you want
Always disappears?

What do you do 
When you're so close to real
But the door always slams in your face?

What do you do 
When you're always knocked down
And too tired to get back up?

What do you do
When your mind, body and soul ache
Because everything has to be a battle?

What do you do
When you just want a break
But the real enemy is inside your head?

What do you do
When you're so afraid to be alone
That you'll let anyone tear you apart?

What do you do 
When you feel so broken inside
That looking in the mirror doesn't seem real? 

What do you do 
When you've always been treated
Like everything you feel never matters?

What do you do
When nightmares keep you up at night
And there's no one to make it better?

What do you do 
When you feel confined to your own mind
Like there's no escape from the rubble? 

What do you do 
When you know you've never felt happiness
And wouldn't have a clue when you do?

What do you do
When you've pretended so much in your life
That even you don't know what's real or fake? 

What do you do
When every time things get better
You fall flat on your face?

What do you do 
When all of these things
Just don't matter?


Sunday, May 24, 2015

Coming unraveled, coming unglued

I'm coming unraveled 
Coming unglued
Everything's already a mess
But I'm screwing it all up, too

Countless nights pass by
With my thoughts spinning around
My mind becomes a pinball machine
Rigged so much I cannot win

I'm coming unraveled
Coming unglued
No one else can see it
The mess I've turned this into

The countless nights turn into days
My body grows weak and weary
I cannot hold myself together
As my thoughts spin around

I'm coming unraveled 
Coming unglued
These thoughts in my head
Have turned against me

My body can no longer sleep
No matter how bad I want it
No matter how weak I get
My mind doesn't slow down

I'm coming unraveled
Coming unglued.





*Untitled* (March 27, 2007)

Have you ever felt like
The world walked away
Have you ever wondered
What it meant to stay awake
In the middle of the biggest storm
Have you ever wondered
What it's like to leave
Through any of those doors
Have you ever been alone
Wondering what it means
When people say you're on your own.

Defeat (Jan. 5, 2007)

I'll place it here,
Inside this book
Where no one can see at all
I'm too stubborn to admit
Admit to such a defeat
I'll smile and fake it like before
And act like losing you wasn't a blow
A blow to my soul

I'm not one to admit to defeat
But I know this time I was beat
I don't want to be vulnerable
But it's hard not to be
When it's your favorite songs
That I have on repeat

I trusted when you said
Said you'd never walk away
But I admit to that defeat
I pushed you to do so
Strength was always my main virtue
Lately it seems to be on the ground

I looked in the mirror the other day
And I broke down in tears
I was finally okay with me
Everything was starting to help
But then I realized
That you weren't around now

So I had nobody to call
No one was proud of my defeat
I needed you to open my eyes
And that you did
The moment you walked away
And I had to admit to a defeat

I became me again
But you're still gone
You probably think i took you for granted
For part, I think I did
But I cared more than you'll ever think

For once I'm at a loss for words
My fingers tremble with the pen
And the words dance at the tip of my tongue
But I put my lips together
It's time to put on a smile for the world

I'll act like I have the world in my palm
But inside I'll admit to a defeat
One that shot my heart
And buried my soul
To the place it was before
Before you said "hello"

The light that lit up in me
Every time you smiled
Burnt out by your last goodbye
I don't want to admit defeat

But this one has me beat
Beat so bad
That I even miss the nervousness
The one I felt the moment your smile lit
Lit up my soul.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Demon (May 15, 2015)

There’s a demon that lives inside me
A beast I can’t ignore
It comes alive at night
Behind my closed doors
All it does is haunt me

These thoughts that I can’t ignore
Try to suffocate my dreams
They rattle my mind to pieces
Like the broken mirror of my life

These thieves inside my brain
Steal every chance I have
They replace my soul with doubt
And fill me with rage and envy

When this beast comes out to play
My anger overpowers me
And I no longer get to choose
Choose the words I want to say

There’s a demon that lives inside me
A beast I can’t ignore
It takes all control of me
So much I’m no longer sure

I lost myself somewhere
Somewhere along the way
The demon living inside me
Stops me from what I want to say