Be This Way

I never really asked to become this way
Personally I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
At this point I don't know how to control it
The trembling, shaking, irritable days
And sometimes I can just lie in bed
Stay in denial and act like it's just all just make believe
And yet I can't seem to play make believe these days
These panics over simple things,
Are what drive me completely insane each day
I fear that it'll become worse
But I fear help even more
I'll never be that type of person who can raise her hand
And ask just for the simplest advice
At this point I don't think there's any turning back
There's not an ounce of happiness in sight
And each and every self-help book tells me quite the same thing,
Apologize to everyone in your past
But that's not so simple you see
Why should I apologize when it wasn't me who hurt the other
This irritability is driving me wild
I'll become violent and curse for a while
And I've tried many times to quit cursing
I've even tried to stop arguing
But I personally thought I should stop writing
Because some days these writings are more violent than my attitude
And yet every day I write these things
Thousands and thousands each year
I'm happy to have this so-called talent or whatever you may call it
But I never really asked to become this way