Defeat (Jan. 5, 2007)

I'll place it here,
Inside this book
Where no one can see at all
I'm too stubborn to admit
Admit to such a defeat
I'll smile and fake it like before
And act like losing you wasn't a blow
A blow to my soul

I'm not one to admit to defeat
But I know this time I was beat
I don't want to be vulnerable
But it's hard not to be
When it's your favorite songs
That I have on repeat

I trusted when you said
Said you'd never walk away
But I admit to that defeat
I pushed you to do so
Strength was always my main virtue
Lately it seems to be on the ground

I looked in the mirror the other day
And I broke down in tears
I was finally okay with me
Everything was starting to help
But then I realized
That you weren't around now

So I had nobody to call
No one was proud of my defeat
I needed you to open my eyes
And that you did
The moment you walked away
And I had to admit to a defeat

I became me again
But you're still gone
You probably think i took you for granted
For part, I think I did
But I cared more than you'll ever think

For once I'm at a loss for words
My fingers tremble with the pen
And the words dance at the tip of my tongue
But I put my lips together
It's time to put on a smile for the world

I'll act like I have the world in my palm
But inside I'll admit to a defeat
One that shot my heart
And buried my soul
To the place it was before
Before you said "hello"

The light that lit up in me
Every time you smiled
Burnt out by your last goodbye
I don't want to admit defeat

But this one has me beat
Beat so bad
That I even miss the nervousness
The one I felt the moment your smile lit
Lit up my soul.